If Only I Had Been There

Being Worried And Upset About Too Many Things

In light of the tragic event that happened yesterday, my heart aches and that ache inspired me to give some encouragement.

The heartache I’m feeling from the senseless murder of Charlie Kirk, has reminded me of a valuable lesson that I think might help others.

Charlie’s death is a tragedy.

I’m sure many of us have experienced unexpected tragedy in our personal lives. I certainly have.

I have had several moments in my life, where I was forced to face matters of life and death. The tragedy of death, especially someone you know personally, changes your life. It focuses you on life itself.

The journey I’ve been on, helped change my perspective. I would like to share some personal stories from my journey and hopefully encourage you.

I remember the first time that an unexpected death had impacted my life.

I was younger, I don’t even remember how old I was. I think I was a late teen. I was at my grandmother’s funeral in Wisconsin. In a small town. I was with my family and I was really sad. My grandmother had always treated us so well. We were her only grandkids and the few times we got to go visit, are still some of my happiest memories. She taught us how to play Rummy and we played almost daily every time we visited. Her radio was often on in the evenings while she worked in the kitchen. She was always listening to her local sports teams.

As we sat in the first pew at my grandmother’s funeral in a small funeral home, we were all sad. But I noticed something I had not seen before and didn’t understand.

Everyone else seemed happy.

I didn’t understand it at all.

I had not had any real experiences at funerals but I knew they were sad gatherings. Something was off. It didn’t make me upset, I just didn’t understand it.

I wasn’t a Christian then, but my grandmother was. Later in life, after coming to Christ at the age of 32, I fully understood that my grandmother’s friends were celebrating her life rather than mourning her death. That contrast stuck with me.

My second unexpected tragedy was a friend of mine when I was twenty.

I was a prodigal son in my twenties. I was on my own and not always doing the right thing or hanging around the right crowd. A lot of things I’m not proud of at all.

But I had one big regret that took me a very long time to get over. I had to reach a point where I could finally forgive myself. For me, it is much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive myself.

My friend’s name was Danny.

He was a really good guy that I worked with. We worked at the airport for a company that catered major airlines. It was a fun job in a lot of ways for a twenty year old punk.

I befriended Danny because he would sometimes get bullied by two guys he worked with. It was never physical, just mostly picking on him and putting him down. I would stand up for him even though we worked in different departments and we became friends.

The thing about Danny is that he was a really nice guy. He reminded me of Charlie Brown. He was short and stocky. He had red thinning hair and had a big round face, just like Charlie Brown.

He started dating a lady at work and we hung out less as he spent more time with her. Months later they told me that she was pregnant. They both were very happy and planned to marry after the baby was born.

Then one early morning at work, Danny wasn’t there and had not showed up to his early morning shift to open up the locked storage supply.

A little while later, we got the news.

Danny had died the night before.

But how? He was so young.

When someone told me what happened, I broke down. I went to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out.

Danny had died in a car crash. It was a DUI.

That was a gut punch.

I was instantly overwhelmed with guilt.

What nobody else knew, and something I carried with me for years, was that the day before, Danny had spent the day begging me to go to a party with him. I had finally told him I would go and that I would pick him up. I had a ‘69 Camaro at the time and it was going to be a good time. He was really looking forward to it.

But at the last minute, I bailed on him.

I called him and made up an excuse for why I couldn’t go. The truth was, I had a date with a girl and I knew that if I told Danny, he would just tell me to bring her along. I would rather just go on the date alone, so I did.

To find out the next morning that he had died in a DUI was crushing. I still think about him and the life he would have had. His son was born later and he was the spitting image of Danny. With a bald head except a little wisp of red curly hair. A cute little Charlie Brown.

I beat myself up for many years over Danny’s death. If only I had gone to the party like I had told him I would.

If only I had been there for him.

My friend would still be alive.

The next unexpected tragedy in my life happened when I was in my thirties. The maintenance man in our office was named Dave. He was a great guy, a very hard worker and had served in the Marine Corps like my dad.

I remember coming in to work one morning and seeing this really tall ladder in the middle of the office. Dave had placed it there in order to replace the light bulbs that were way up near the ceiling.

As soon as I saw that ladder, I knew it wasn’t safe. I had a feeling in my gut but I didn’t say anything. I kept those thoughts to myself and just went about my workday.

I went to eat my lunch in the break room and as I was sitting there talking with a coworker, an ambulance came flying into the parking lot with lights flashing.

As soon as I stepped out of the break room, I saw Dave. He was lying lifeless on the floor. The only person there was the supervisor kneeling by him. I ran over as the paramedics came rushing in.

He was lifeless and all I could do was put my hand on him and pray as they tried to save him. The three of us who were there to witness the tragedy just cried. We were helpless to do anything.

They said he had electrocuted himself and that he was dead before he hit the floor. He thought he had cut the power totally off but it wasn’t off.

I still had half my work day to go after that, out delivering mail. I cried all day long and kept praying that nobody would see me, or come out to my truck.

Why didn’t I say something?

Why didn’t I speak up about the danger that I could sense?

I could have prevented his needless death.

They tried to fire that supervisor, who was on the floor for that tragedy. She was just filling in for the week from another office and I stood up for her.

I knew that ladder wasn’t safe and I had said nothing, and neither did anybody else. It was an avoidable accident, but it was an accident. She didn’t get fired but quit being a supervisor anymore. His death had really broken her and I’m sure she felt some of the guilt that I piled onto myself.

Another preventable death where I had failed.

My third unexpected tragedy happened several years later.

I had come to Christ and been in my “honeymoon” phase. I was on fire for Christ and stepping out in a leadership role within a new church that God had led me to.

I had started a men’s Bible study group that had grown to be one of the biggest study groups in our church after a few years of growing pains.

It was a joy to come up with my own Bible study lessons and I was really feeling led by the Spirit. I learned to teach, which is one of the gifts that God has given me.

What I loved about that men’s group, was the heartfelt sharing and love that poured out, as God’s Word worked on all our hearts. We got to know each other personally along with all our struggles. We helped each other with our heavy burdens.

We called ourselves the “Band of Brothers.”

One morning, one of the men called me and told me that our friend in the group, Corey, had died. That came as a total shock. I had just seen him a few days earlier. But then the bomb dropped.

He had committed suicide.

When I heard those words, my legs literally gave out. I fell to the floor screaming “No!!!” I couldn’t stop crying.

I was in shock. There were no answers. I couldn’t understand it at all. I was crushed.

If you have ever felt that way, here is a verse that helped me.

I cling to this verse in times of TRAGEDY.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I piled even more guilt onto myself.

Why didn’t I know?

Why didn’t I see any signs that my friend was struggling?

My burden was becoming overwhelming.

Now let me try and encourage you.

If you have ever carried the guilt from an unexpected tragedy? Thinking you could have prevented it in some way, or maybe been there to save someone from death. There’s a really good lesson that God taught me, as He helped me learn to forgive myself.

Do you know the story in the Bible about Martha?

There are two good stories in the Bible about Martha. I want to touch on both, but I want to emphasize one in particular.

“Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.””

‭‭John‬ ‭11:1-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Lord, the one you love is sick.”

That is a very important verse. Remember that. I’ll come back to it.

Jesus loved and was good friends with Mary, Martha and their brother Lazarus. They had a close relationship with Jesus.

“When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.””

‭‭John‬ ‭11:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Don’t miss this little thing in these verses. It begins to put the “focus” on Martha.

It says Jesus loved Martha and her “sister” and Lazarus.

Why is this so important? Martha was the one struggling with her faith. Martha was the one that Jesus was coming to “heal,” not Lazarus. Martha needed to be healed as much as Lazarus.

““But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?” Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.””

‭‭John‬ ‭11:8-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Jesus is teaching his disciples to trust Him. He’s encouraging them to seek and stay in the “light.” To keep following Jesus in spite of the difficulties or dangers.

It’s a good lesson considering the tragedy yesterday and the loss of Charlie Kirk. If there is one consistent description of Charlie Kirk’s life, it is his strong faith and willingness to share the Gospel anywhere. Keep the faith my friends. Don’t let this tragedy or fear, change who God created you to be.

“Death, where is your sting?”

“After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” Then Thomas (also known as Didymus ) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.””

‭John‬ ‭11:11-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The disciples knew that Lazarus was sick and Jesus tells them that he’s “fallen asleep.” They didn’t understand what Jesus was teaching them. Death is but a doorway. It has no power over God. Jesus tells them that He was “glad” he wasn’t there to prevent Lazarus’ death.

That word “glad” was the exact opposite of how I had felt through every unexpected tragedy that I went through. I carried a lot of guilt and it was a heavy burden. I wasn’t “glad” about any of my friends deaths. I was focused on the “death” instead of the “life” of my friends. My focus was on the wrong thing.

“On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.”

‭‭John‬ ‭11:17-20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Jesus’ friend Lazarus had been dead for “four days” and there were many there trying to comfort Martha and Mary.

But look who went out to meet Jesus.

This was the moment.

Martha was the one who really needed “healing.”

““Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.””

John‬ ‭11:21-22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“If you had only been here.”

That’s the guilt that I felt in my heart for many years. If I had only been there or said something, my friends wouldn’t have died. That’s the shame that only Jesus knew I carried. I haven’t shared all these stories with anyone except with God, through my tears and in my heart.

But God knows how broken we are. He knows that we all suffer with illness and are in need of healing.

I needed healing. I needed to be given new life.

“Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.””

‭‭John‬ ‭11:23-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Martha knew in her heart that Jesus could have prevented her brother’s death and even now, after four days, could bring him back to life. That was a huge lesson that Martha had learned and it would be reinforced when moments later, Jesus would bring Lazarus back to life.

But that wasn’t the lesson that Jesus was trying to teach.

The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.

Can you grasp the power in that belief?

Can you understand what Jesus is trying to teach?

For years I lived under a burden of guilt that God had never placed on my shoulders. The whole time, Jesus was trying to lift that burden from me and heal my heart, so that nothing would hold me back from really “living.”

Living for Him.

I was trapped in guilt because of “death” and that was limiting my ability to encourage others. I wasn’t really “living” the life that God had planned for me.

As long as I thought that “death” was the end of the story, I was limited in my ability to help and encourage others. As long as I thought I was responsible for the life that only God can create, I was prevented from focusing on the “spiritual kingdom” that God is building. Death kept me trapped in the “worldly kingdom” that I live in….only temporarily.

Was I going to stay stuck in a bondage of guilt or was I going to let Jesus take that burden from me and place it on the Cross?

I remember a dear friend confronting me on this subject. He had been a Christian for many years, who never minced words and was a wealth of wisdom.

He made me confront my need for “healing” and seek the only “Physician” that could heal me.

He asked me: “Do you believe that Jesus died for ALL your sins?

“Of course,” I said.

He then said, “Are ALL your sins forgiven?”

“Yes,” I said.

He then went to the heart of the matter.

He said, “Then why won’t you forgive yourself? Why do you think you are greater than God? Pride is what is preventing you from “receiving” the forgiveness that you seek so desperately. Do you think God doesn’t know everything about you? All your past? All your regrets?”

He looked me in the eye and said, “you are never going to earn God’s forgiveness. It’s a “gift” for you because He loves you. But you need to set aside your pride and just accept the “gift.” That’s the only way you will ever be healed.”

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew he was right and he was trying to lead me to the “spot.”

Here’s where I want to go to the other story in the Bible about Martha.

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.””

‭Luke‬ ‭10:38-42‬ NIV

Martha was busy and distracted by all the preparations. She was trying to impress Jesus and the disciples and was frustrated that her sister wasn’t helping her.

I had been busy and distracted, trying to earn my forgiveness, rather than just accepting it as a “gift.”

Don’t miss what Jesus says.

“you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.

For many years, I dwelled on guilt and shame and that prevented me from seeing my own “need.”

There was only “one thing I needed.”

I needed to listen to Jesus and truly understand what He was offering me.

True “forgiveness.”

That “gift” brings life to the soul.

Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Choose the “better life” my friends.

I learned, that if I will give my burdens to Jesus, and let Him guide my life, I will have a much greater impact for the Kingdom that is to come.

I have also learned to celebrate the life, rather than to continue to mourn the death.

That perspective keeps me hopeful and thankful; focused on eternity rather than the things I have no control over.

It has been very encouraging to see the outpouring of love for Charlie Kirk and his family.

He had a huge impact on the Kingdom of God and was an inspiration for many. We celebrate his wonderful life and thank God for him.

I can imagine his welcome into the Kingdom.

“Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Words I think that most Christians long to hear too.

Be encouraged.

Blessings my friends.